Jehovah Jireh

Recently, we’ve had some financial setbacks.  Mostly in the form of car repairs.  It has been so frustrating as we have been striving to get out of debt and save money but keep being thwarted.  Its been easy to look around and think, “Why do others seem to have things fall into their laps while we keep being purposeful and we are making slow progress…if we are even moving at all.”  I’ve ranged from “beans and rice every night!! Or maybe 4 times a paycheck…but beans and rice!”  to “I don’t care.  I’m going to get those organizational baskets.  I’m tired of waiting.”  Yeah…not thoughts I’m proud of.

Well, yesterday, my husband’s car died, in the parking lot at work.  We knew it was going to so it was a praise that it died as he pulled in and not anywhere else!  So now we have another huge repair. Last night, Paul did the budget and showed it to me.  As I looked it over I thought, “Wow, God is providing.”  Then it hit me.  It was as if God drew me close and whispered “I’m providing for you guys.  Trust me.”  I felt so humbled and worshipful at that moment.  Yes, God is providing.  Is he allowing our cars to stay fixed?  Not exactly.  Did he hand us a wad of cash?  Nope.  Although if he did that’d be great!  But no.  What I do have is this, the full amount I need to go grocery shopping.  Money for gas.  Money for Chinese takeout as I’m too wiped to go shopping tonight.  He is providing.  Last night, I felt as if I was on holy ground.

As I thought about God’s provision I kept having the phrase go through my head, “for in the day of the Lord, he will provide.”  I couldn’t remember the exact passage though.  I looked it up and I found it was in Genesis 22 when God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac.  Verse 14 comes after God provided a ram for the sacrifice.  “So Abraham called the name of that place, ‘The Lord will provide;’ as it is said to this day, ‘On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.’

Wow. I can only imagine the gratitude and relief that Abraham and Isaac felt.  God provided a substitute.  They both had everything to lose and they trusted God to the very end on and on the mount of the Lord, a substitute was provided.

My circumstances are no where near as dramatic as this but I drew strength and courage to move forward.  As we repair out second car, Jehovah Jireh-Yahweh will provide.  As I teach my children and feel out of my element, Jehovah Jireh.  As I discipline and feel like I’m not reaching my children with the gospel, Jehovah Jireh. As I stare at 3 of my 4 crying all about different things and I shake my head and wonder if I have the strength and grace for this, Jehovah Jireh! When my son snuggles me and says “Mommy, I can’t stop my anger.  You can’t stop my anger.  Only God can” and as I pray in tears with my child that God will help him, Jehovah Jireh.

God will take care of us.  He works slowly.  Oh so painfully slow sometimes! But praise him for his grace and mercy!  Praise him for how he works!

Friend, I don’t know what God has you going through right now.  Maybe its something big or maybe its something that isn’t catastrophic but feels too heavy to bear, trust in the God who provides.  He hasn’t left you.  He’s right there.  He is waiting to give you his gift of grace, grace that says, “Stop striving.  Rest in what I have done for you.”

2 Chronicles 20, the second part of vs 12 has become my theme verse for this year.  Jehosaphat is facing a a great army coming against Israel to destroy it.  He cries out to God, “O our God, will you not execute judgement on them?  For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”  He didn’t know what God planned for them but he cried to God to rescue them.  And God did!  Jehovah Jireh.

Lord, we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you!  Thank you for being Jehovah Jireh!

Christmas Eve Ponderings

Its hard to believe Christmas is tomorrow.  Some years I feel excited and have great anticipation but other years, like this year, it seems to have snuck up on me.  Out of all the Christmas’s though, I am the most “prepared” compared to other years.  I’ve also had the most responsibilities this Christmas as well.  I’m growing up!

This year we are home for Christmas and I wanted to make it as special as possible and start some traditions, so I planned and prepared.  That’s hard to do with three dear ones following me around and undoing things and wearing me out even more than I am already worn out!  Tonight I planned that we would do a gingerbread train with the kids and we would watch a Christmas classic show.  And we did!  We watched Rudolph and Frosty the Snowman.  Well, I watched it.  The kids watched in intervals with Joel paying the most attention.  When we were done, Paul showered the kids and I cleaned up the downstairs (again).  I pondered how empty I felt.  The dream land of Santa and elves and a talking snowman is just empty.  Meaningless.  I haven’t watched these shows since I was probably 17 and I have fond memories of watching them Christmas Eve at my grandparent’s house and running for more treats during commercials but I guess a lot has changed in the last 9 years in my heart.

After the kids were snug in their pjs, we read a Christmas devotional and the Matthew account of Christ’s birth.  The devotional was about Jesus being Christ’s greatest gift to us and how Christ coming to earth as a child and dying for us as a man has given us eternal life with God.  Ah!  It was so refreshing and life giving!  The message that God loved us so much that he gave us an amazing gift, before we were friends with Him!  All other gifts pale in comparison.

The presents are wrapped and under the tree.  The ham waits in the fridge to be put into the oven tomorrow and the other dishes await to be put together.  Cinnamon rolls will be popped out of their packages (maybe someday they will be homemade!) and will be put into the oven for our breakfast.  Our tree glows prettily.  We enjoy these things and I love planning and preparing.  But I’m thankful that that’s not all there is.  I’m thankful there is a joy beyond a perfect Christmas.  I’m feeling disappointed that not all my housework is completed, I mean, nothing says “Happy Holidays” better than cleaning the bathroom right?  But I had to stop and laugh.  Christ came to serve.  Surely I can serve my family by willingly and cheerfully cleaning up the kitchen, making sure the bathrooms are clean, and sweeping the floor for the third time that day!  I can deal with my children’s sins knowing that Christ has come!

Tonight, I looked at my children and longed for them to know this joy.  They were antsy and distracted.  I have no idea how much they heard.  Oh I pray that they come to know Christ’s love.  I wish I was a better example for them.  I am a miserable show of God’s love but there also is grace.  God still works through me in spite of my own sin.

This season,  I rejoice in Christ’s humility and willingness to shed his glorified body and to be raised as a humble mortal.  As the new year approaches and I look back over the events of this past year, I rejoice in God’s goodness and  I pray he works a heart of servant-hood and humility in my own heart.  I pray that this coming year, I will be a better example of Christ to my children and others around me.

A Different Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving began very differently.  It began as a day of dreams dashed, fears realized, and fears of what might be.  It began with bitter tears and crying out to God.

This Thanksgiving four years ago, I had dreams of my 8 month old little boy eating his first Thanksgiving dinner with family in NY.  Instead he lay on a bed, hooked up to numerous tubes, quiet and in a drugged sleep.  It snowed outside.  His first snow.  And instead of showing him the wonder of it, I cried bitter tears.  I don’t remember my journal entry for that day but I know it was one of anger and fear.  The very day of Thanksgiving seemed to mock me. Yes, I still had much to be thankful for but I hurt.

The day before, Wednesday, they took him off of the sedation medication and we waited all. day. long for him to wake up and he barely did.  They said it was the medication but they seemed a bit surprised too.  Wednesday night, the doctor said that they were going to take his breathing tube out anyway and so they did, and I held my child for the first time since Sunday afternoon.  He was heavy and lifeless though, still drugged up, and I felt angry.  I was still all garbed up because they didn’t have the test results back yet to determine if this was viral or bacterial.  As I held him, his leg twitched unnaturally.  I put him back in bed willingly.  This didn’t seem like my child.  I left the hospital that night confused with what happened.

That night, we got a call from the doctor saying that Owen had had a seizure (the leg twitching was part of that) and they had to sedate him again and put the breathing tube back in.  Amazingly, we were able to go back to sleep again but my heart was heavy.  I came back to see my son still hooked up to all those wires, breathing through a tube, sedated, and I still could not touch him because of the contact precautions.  This was the setting of that Thanksgiving morning.

Late that morning, I was calmer and more at peace.  I sat in Owen’s room by myself while Paul sat in the waiting room outside of the PICU with his parents.  The doctor came to the door with her entourage and I listened while they discussed Owen’s situation.  It was then that God once again, in a week that seemed dismal, showed me that he was still there working.  The doctor said that the tests came back that the meningitis was bacterial.  There was no more need for the contact precautions!

I could barely contain my excitement.  I tore off the gloves, gown, mask, and glasses and triumphantly through them in the trash before rushing over and giving my son his first kiss since I had kissed him goodbye before he was life flighted.  I ran out to Paul, giving him a horrible scare that something had gone wrong, and said, “The contact precautions have been lifted!  We can touch him, we can kiss him!  Come quick!” We rejoiced and praised God.  I asked God to forgive me for my lack of trust.  I tear up thinking about this.

That night, our family gathered for cold turkey sandwiches in the hospital cafe.  We rejoiced and thanked God for what he had done.  It was a Thanksgiving to remember.

That night, we began our stay at the Ronald McDonald house across from the hospital.  I didn’t know then that two days later the breathing tube would successfully come out again.  I didn’t know then that in two days, I would hold my little boy again and it would be a different situation, a joy and delight to hold him.  This Thanksgiving day though, I realized that I had hope.  God was still working.  I would still cry in the weeks, months to come.  I would wonder and worry.  But God was working things out, working in my heart to make me see that he did love me and love my family.

This snowy Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for my oldest son, who defied the odds of meningitis and has very little side effects remaining.  I am thankful for his sweetness and tenderness towards his brother and sister.  He is definitely becoming the big brother!  Just this morning, he was trying to comfort Joel, who was afraid of the shadows.  Owen loves it when Charity snuggles him or asks him to kiss her boo boo’s.  He has such a servants heart and is very eager to help clean up…to a fault sometimes.

I’m thankful for my second son, Joel.  I love watching him build things or put together a small puzzle on his own.  He pays attention to the smallest detail and has the most irresistable smile and charm!

I’m thankful for my little girl.  She brings spice into our lives and has us laughing with her antics.  She knows how to make people smile and is the most social of the three at this young age.

I’m thankful for my husband, who has stood by me through so much.  Who is ready to hold me when I cry and who makes me laugh.  I am so glad that God brought us together.  I couldn’t imagine life without him.

I’m thankful for my God and Savior.  I am continually amazed with his goodness and mercy to me.  How deep, indeed, is his love for me.  I would’ve given up long ago and yet, he still shows me his love.

“I thank you Lord for all you have done in our lives and for how you are making me to be more like you.”

Thoughts from a Tired Brain

My kids are tucked in bed a half hour earlier than usual due to being extra sleepy.  My husband leaves to go to a party for a few hours.  I survey the house.  Messy. Again.  Despite my dear husband’s attempt to clean it up for me while I was gone in the morning.  I brace myself and dive in.  The house cannot stay this way.  Energy rises.  Let’s do this!  Potatoes, carrots, onions chopped.  Ingredients thrown into the crockpot and turned on low.  Done! I survey the kitchen.  Seems so impossible to do.  Brace and dive in again.  Dishes loaded, washed, surfaces wiped down, dishwasher hums pleasantly.  Feels good.  Clear and sweep the floor.  Do I mop in again?  No.  It’ll last till another day.  I turn off the kitchen light.  One room done.

I walk into the dining room and living room.  What a mess.  I begin with the toys.  Should’ve had the kids do it but with how grumpy everyone was…it’s just best this way.  Energy wanes.  Must be all the bending over.  Toys!  Oh so many.  Vacuum?  No, too loud.  The house is nice and quiet.

The floor is cleaner.  It’s done.  Now laundry.  Four loads to fold.  Should I put away the laundry from earlier this week?  Yes.  I need those laundry baskets again.  Thank you Lord that my kids are sound sleepers.  Now to fold.  One load folded.  Quick, hurry, your energy is almost gone.  Three loads done.  Feeling wiped.  Fold the towels?  Nope.  They will keep until another day.  Reload the laundry baskets and push them out of the way.  The clothes will get put away…or worn…whichever comes first.

Energy done.  Ready for bed.  Wait, I have a treat in the freezer that I was waiting to eat until the kids were in bed.  Yes, always energy for a treat that contains chocolate.  I will sit and eat and type.  Then to bed.  It’s late.  Ha, used to be that after 9 was only “getting” late.

One day, I’d like a quiet night in a clean house to just read to my heart’s content.  For now I’m thankful that I will rise to lunch cooked and ready, clean surfaces to dirty again with breakfast, clean laundry to unfold as items are selected out of the laundry basket, and a clean living room floor to scatter toys all over again.

I smile to think of Owen coming down the stairs tomorrow gasping in pleasure and saying “Wow, what happened?”  Yeah, its a shock.  I already hear from my kids when I tell them to clean up, “Who’s coming over?”  No one.  Just us.  Every now and again its nice to exist in a clean house.  It’s sanity producing somehow.

Now off to bed.  I feel content even though there is still so much to do.  I fought against Chaos.  I will fight it again tomorrow and the next day.  It will win some battles and I will win others.  This seems to be life now.  Oh Lord, help me to accept that and be content and relaxed even in the chaos.

Learning how the World Works

The boys are both starting to realize and pay attention to how things work and to ask questions.  Owen will ask what time it is and when daddy will be home.  Joel will look at the clock and blurt out, “Oh no!  It’s 4 o 5!”  Or someone will come out with, “It’s quarter after.”  Owen is also more observant to time passed in the car and will often get angry if we aren’t going to be there “soon.”

Owen is also trying to figure out time passing.  He will say, “Yesterday when we walked down the aisle…”  when it really happened several weeks ago.  Or, “Last week when we went to bible study…” when it happened that same day.  We are continually correcting him by giving him the right terms to use.  Poor guy.  Its a lot to remember!  Both Owen and Joel are also trying to figure out the days of the week.  Paul drew the days of the week on a whiteboard that is sitting on our kitchen table and often Joel will be sitting and will start reciting, “Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday!”  So we will recite it in order a few times.  Imagine how confused they will be when we start talking about the months of the year!

When I stop at a stop sign to wait for traffic or wait for a light to turn green, I often get yelled at, mostly by Joel, “Mommy!  Just go!”  I will have to explain to them that I have to wait for cars to go or for the light to turn green.  “Why mommy?”  is the next question so I explain that too.  It’s really neat to be able to have those conversations now.  Recently, one or the other boy will remind the other boy that I’m waiting for the light to turn green and then they will cheer when I start moving again.

Today, we had this argument in the car:
Joel: There’s the moon!
Owen: No Joel, that’s the sun!
Joel: No!  Its the moon!
Me:  Actually Joel, it is the sun.
Joel: Oh…then why is it white?
Haha!!  I had no idea how to explain that to him at the moment.  It was midday and kinda cloudy so the sun did look white.  I was impressed with his observation that the sun is often yellow while the moon appears more white.

Charity is also learning how things work and I’m seeing that she is more of a people pleaser  than her brothers are.  She is much more sensitive too.  Much. More. Sensitive.  Paul was watching some fail videos online and he had to turn them off because they were making her very upset.  Owen and Joel weren’t phased at all but she didn’t like seeing people get hurt.  She will also say “I sorry” much sooner.  She was annoying a little friend of hers by pinching and as soon as she saw that I was watching her, she stopped and said “I sorry! I sorry!”  Yup, people pleaser.  But I’m also refreshed by her sensitivity.  I think I’m going to have an easier time teaching her to respect and love others than I’ve been having with the two boys.

She is also wanting to sit on the potty like her big brother and will ask to go potty.  I’ve decided that as soon as I feel Joel is more on his way to being completely potty trained (and we are very, very close, praise God!) I am going to try her for a week and see if she catches on.  Three kids potty trained?  Yes please!

Charity is also interested in saying her letters and can pick some out or will copy me when I say them.  She also tries to sing the ABC song.  She is earlier than either of her brothers.

All three like to sing the “Bob the Builder” theme song from time to time and some doting uncles decided to teach the boys to sing “Bob the builder. Can we fix it? NO WE CAN’T!”  So Charity will go around and sing “Bob da dilda.  NO!”  Its hilarious!!  Thanks to Uncle John John and Uncle Isaac for that comedy relief in the middle of the day!  Although, this can cause some contention when one brother wants to sing it the right way and the other one wants to sing it the contrary way and it often leads to yelling and the need for immediate intervention but since “Holy Holy” does the same thing I can’t assign any blame.

Owen and Joel were looking at a picture of a poem I read them yesterday and Joel asked what was going on (it was a picture of a unicorn with a crown around its neck and a lion in front growling).  I said the lion was trying to get the unicorn but Owen corrected me saying, “No, the crown!”  I remembered that was the story.  The lion was chasing the unicorn to get the crown.  And I thought he wasn’t  paying attention.  He is learning.  Praise God!

These times of curiosity and comedy come at times when I need reminders that they are indeed learning and growing.  I’m thankful for those.  I love watching my kids try to figure things out and  the perplexion on their faces at times is hilarious!  I am thrilled but sometimes stumped at how to explain things to them but sometimes all I need to do is give them a simple answer and they are satisfied with that.  For now.  In a couple years I’ll be sending them to the dictionary.  Or google if we want to be more modern about it.

Homeschool Days…Hello Week 4

Last week, we ended on a sour note.  I had called the adviser for the curriculum I am using and I asked her some tips on what to do.  My dear son, who loved to be read to, has suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to be read to, if I choose the time and the story.  Willpower.  Sheer willpower.  I was seriously questioning my decision to school this year but I also felt that we should press on.  It was only the end of the third week you know.
Today we started again.  I got the kids breakfast and Owen asked me, “Can you read to us?”  What? Huh?  Oh my, yes of course!  I looked at the schedule for the day and saw that one of the stories was from a book that is somewhat more challenging as its 5 1/2 pages of just story, no pictures.  Perfect!  And so I read while they ate and it worked out beautifully!  A little bit later, I got out Owen’s copy work pages (We are doing T this week) but I was distracted with Joel.  When I went to help Owen I saw that he had traced the Ts and had done it correctly.  No battle, no helping him.  I love the simple letters!  After some coaxing, he drew uppercase T by himself 5 times.  I was so pleased!  This was an awesome way to start out the school week.  
This is only the first day of the week.  I am anticipating it to be a nutty week, especially as Charity is trying to pop out four teeth at once and has already been very whiny or actually, more like screamy and is sorely trying my patience and love for her.  My children and driving me to Christ over and over and helping me see that I need him more than ever.  I’m glad for that.  I just wish I could learn the easy way but I guess that would make me…perfect.  Someday I will be.  For now, I’m going to Christ again and again…and writing things down so that I remember…and laugh.

School and Other Stories

It seems all I can type is random bits and stories.  There are so many things I don’t want to forget that the kids say or do!

We started school full swing last Wednesday. I had been just doing Math pages with Owen but the rest of my Sonlight curriculum came in and so we are going full swing now.  I’m loving it!  The structure and the stories is great and I’m so looking forward to putting letters and sounds together with Owen.  I could probably start now with him but I’m content to wait until the curriculum starts that.  I operate better when I follow a plan and Owen is still doing things like circle words that start with B or which picture starts with F.  Good practice!  He’s having trouble being told what to do and when and that’s making reading stories or doing papers difficult but again, good practice, and I’m glad to be doing it with pre K instead of waiting until he is in Kindergarten.  I’m considering this a good practice year.

I’m also super thrilled with the progress Owen is making with allowing himself to go with other people he doesn’t know very well but that we trust.  Twice now I’ve gone to a Bible Study where he only knew a few kids and he didn’t know the houses too well and he was separated from me.  Last week he took about 15-20 minutes before he went on his own and he did throw a pretty good fit but I was able to calm him down quickly and it was a situation where he was able to be with me for a bit as he adjusted to different surroundings. Today, he was cautious but he went WITH NO CRYING!!!  I was so excited.  I’m praising God for this breakthrough.  Ever since our church’s VBS and a friend’s willingness to help out, Owen has been SO much better.  He has his moments but they are generally short and he goes somewhat willingly. Amazing how that horrible experience on the first day of VBS lead us to trying different means that has been used to help us understand Owen better and seems to have given him the confidence he needed.  God moves in a mysterious way.

While we are on this topic of trust, I wanted to record a conversation between Owen and Joel.  I was so excited because we have been talking a lot about trusting Mommy and Daddy and trusting God and something is clicking.  Sunday, we told them that Daddy was going to be helping serve communion in the evening and that sparked this conversation between two brothers:

Joel: You don’t need to cry Owen.  We can trust Mommy and Daddy and Daddy will come back!
Owen: Yeah!  And you don’t need to cry either.  We can trust Mommy and Daddy and Daddy will come back!
Joel: Yeah!

Two brothers encouraging each other.  Beautiful!

Joel is still in the midst of potty training and accidents.  He’s also on the kick of “But I don’t want to!” when we tell him he needs to do something.  So frustrating.  But its opened up conversations of how he will have to do things that he doesn’t want to do or even like when he is a man.  It is part of life.  And Mommy and Daddy often have to do things we don’t like but we can ask God for help and he will help us.  Its been good.  Also, he is doing much better with potty training.  He’s only having one or two accidents a day when we are home and he’s doing it himself!  If we can just get his will and stubbornness to go from “I don’t want to” to doing it, he will be potty trained.  I have great hope that he will be potty trained before 5 now.  I was thinking 10 about 2 weeks ago!  He’s growing and learning and we are heading in a good direction I think.

Charity is now 19 months going on 20 years old!  That girl is stubborn and sassy and bossy and sweet and cute and smart!  She is trying to be a little mommy already. If the boys ask for something, her immediate response is, “Uh uh” or “naw!”  Drives her brothers mad, literally.  But they also egg her on by asking her and then getting upset when she says no.  She is also at the age where she is beginning to play WITH her brothers.  Its so cute when they play “church” and she sits in a little chair and follows their lead. She also loves to run around with them and show off and sing.  She loves to sing.  I can generally get an idea of what she is singing and she lights up when I start singing that song.  I love it!

This motherhood journey is so different from what I thought it was going to be.  I’m continually amazed at what I have to teach my kids and how hard it is for them to do something “simple.”  I’m finding myself thankful though. God is teaching me as well and I am so glad for his patience with me.  He is a perfect parent that lovingly trains me and loves me even though I buck and throw my own temper tantrums.  I pray that I will be able to be that kind of parent.  I’m realizing that I will never reach perfection but I know God is working.

Even When it Hurts

I had a post in mind for this past Monday but God had a very different plan. Some of you know that we were expecting our 4th little one this coming March. Monday I went for my first appointment and discovered that God decided to take our sweet one to be with him. This has been a difficult week thus far.

 I keep thinking of Psalm 131 where the psalmist says, “O Lord , my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.  But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” I read this as I waited for the final ultrasound and it keeps running through my head. I can’t say I am calmed and quieted all the time but I am trying to rest in his plan. I have much more peace than I thought I would but I know that rough patches are ahead. I am thankful for the prayers and love that has already been shown.

Pray for the patience that is needed. Pray that in my private times the truth in my head speaks to my heart and if there are things to be learned that I will learn them. Pray for continued peace. Life continues on and I have three other precious ones who need me. For that I am thankful.

Even when it hurts, even when I doubt, God is still good and in control. And I have lots to praise God for.

Potty Training-Day 1

Today was the first official potty training day for Joel. He’s gone on the potty a few times but he’s been very resistant to doing it on our time and wearing undies. I’ve been preparing him this whole month with the intention of training him the week after he turned three. Alas, he became sick the day after his birthday so along with canceling our camping plans, my potty training plans were also changed (although I definitely wasn’t as upset about that as I was our camping plans. Just sayin).

Anyway, today went fairly well. We went through ten pairs of undies so I really need to do laundry tonight or right away tomorrow morning. We mostly had half victories, as in Joel would have an accident and then do the rest on the potty. I consider that somewhat successful. After a few accidents though, he said to me, “See, I can’t wear undies. I just go pee in them.” Lol, poor guy. You’ll learn. Later on in the day I told him to go sit on the potty before he had another accident and he said, “But I didn’t go in my undies yet!” I had to explain again that he needed to go BEFORE he went in his undies, not after. It was too cute.

As I’ve been thinking about today, I’ve thought how cruel this feels to Joel. I’m submitting him to awkwardness and the uncomfortableness of accidents. He doesn’t understand why. He wants his diapers back (he was thrilled to wear pull ups tonight). Why would I change something that is working just fine? He doesn’t know that this is part of growing up, it is necessary and good. Actually, I have told him but he doesn’t see it or like it. He is forced to trust me and move on, kicking and screaming at times, trusting at others.

How much am I like that in areas God is training me in. I don’t like it or see it necessary. Can’t God work in other ways? Why does he need to do it this way or that way? I feel uncomfortable and awkward and want to just forget about the whole thing. Yet God wisely calls me to trust him and let him work. He may need to hold me as I resist him but he is so patient and loving with me. One day I will be able to look back and thank God for that time. Even now I can think of some things to be thankful for in our canceled vacation plans and other areas of disappointment. I don’t like those times but the fruit is very sweet. If only I could give him my whole heart in the hard times as well as the good.

Now to rest up for tomorrow. I have no idea what it will be like but I will be praying for patience and love. Will you pray with me?

Random bits

Charity has been developing quite a personality. I keep looking at her and thinking that she’s not a baby anymore. She is a toddler and the most articulate toddler we’ve had yet. She picks up on things her brothers say and adopts them for her own. For example, when asked where something is, Joel loves to say, “I threw it away!” So that’s what Charity says, babble version. She has the tone inflection down and the syllables the same. Only with her, it may be true. She delights in pulling out our trash can and throwing stuff in it.
She is also having a hard time saying “please.” She can say anything she wants in her sweet version but ask her to say please and she will cry, sulk, or flat out shake her head and say “uh uh.” No idea where she gets that from. ~clears throat~  However tonight when candy was on the line she said please. Im hoping she’s catching on.
She is my little nurturer though. She will beat on her brothers but if they are hurt she’ll come up to them and try to hug or tease them. She bit me randomly on Saturday and made me yelp loudly. She wasn’t  being malicious but it hurt. A few minutes later she’s asking “eres boo boo?” I showed her and asked if she’d kiss it which she did with a  silly smile. Love her!
Yesterday we gave a party for Joel. It was a fun filled afternoon with tons of sugar and play and minions.  Unfortunately it was so much fun and so much sugar that the boys couldn’t make it through church. We had to leave before the service even began and it was a fight to get them down. Owen didn’t sleep till after 10 and I shed a few tears over the night, but looking back, I think it was worth it. I just need to plan things a bit better so the kids aren’t too overstimulated and over sugared! I feel so blessed to see family doting on my kids and giving them nice gifts. So much love goes around. I’m thankful.
We took the kids out tonight to get bow ties for the boys to wear in my sister’s wedding in a little over five weeks away now. I was told we had to come up there to order them. OK, fine. Makes sense. Wouldn’t want to order bow ties that didn’t fit my boys right? Wrong. They don’t need to measure them but they don’t do payments over the phone. Really? I guess it was good because we found out that the only bow ties were in a paisley print. Ick! (Again, really??) So the boys will be decked out in ties. Still cute and no paisley. Good.
We also took them out to Cracker Barrel. We are getting bolder, twice in 6 days. It went OK. The waitress told us that they were golden compared to others that threw food across the rooms. “Well we stopped that a few times,” we admitted. She still assured us they were good. Made me thankful although with all the standing,squirming, fork dropping, food dropping, and outbursts we still have a long ways to go. And then Charity and Joel walked around with me while Paul and Owen paid. Charity wanted every cute stuffed animal (doggies she called them) and the babies were also attractive to her. So different from the boys!  As I walked trying to keep order, a worker informed me that some other little girl had taken all sorts of toys and candles and dumped them in a baby cradle. “That’s where they go, right?” I joked as I ran off to catch my errant son who was running away from me. Yup, humbling.
After our Cracker Barrel experience we decided to go to Barnes and Noble to let Joel pick out a book for his birthday. That experience gave new meaning to the phrase, “like a kid in the candy store.” Owen, Joel, and Charity were overwhelmed and enthusiastically excited about all the bright colored books and the Thomas trains and the seats that were just their size. Joel finally decided on Dr. Seuss ABCs and we paid, got coffee and left. It was crazy but fun too and as my husband said, this is how they learn to behave. True. Very true

Those are the random highlights of the weekend/first day of the week. I’m thinking that all I’ll be able to do is random broken bits until my brain is whole again. I was assured that my brain will return again and I’m choosing to believe it’s true. If its not true for everyone, don’t inform me. I’ll find out eventually. Some things are better left that way, lol!